I'll show you what you're worth
by RachXfinchel
Summary: Rachel Berry is depressed over her recent break up with Finn Hudson, leading to self-destructive violence. Will anyone be able to help her through it? What if friendship turns into something more?... WARNING SMUT AND SELF HARM WILL OCCUR
1. Saturday nights

**A/N: Sorry for the issues with my first upload. It was an issue with the website. My apologies. Thank you guys for letting me know about said issues. and thanks for the reviews! Glad you guys are enjoying the story. I am working on Chapter 2 as you guys are reading this.**

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><p>If I should continue or just stop it! It was a typical Saturday night in the small town of Lima Ohio. Couples were dining at Breadstix. The movie theater and bowling alley were packed. Students from William McKinley High School were scattered throughout different parties. And yet, one Rachel Barbra Berry was stuck home alone.<p>

_Maybe I'm just n__ot good enough_, she thought. _Maybe I should just give it all up. That's why I am constantly harassed with slushie facials That's why I didn't get invited to Santana's party tonight, while the rest of the glee club 's why the rest of the club hates me. Most importantly, that's why Finn broke up with me._She thought, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her eyes were puffy from all of the crying. Just a day before, right after the Friday afternoon glee club meeting, Finn pulled her aside to tell her he wanted to break up. His excuse was simple: He still loved Quinn and she was a horrible girlfriend. She hadn't done enough for him and she was bringing down his rep. That was what really hit home for Rachel. It wasn't the fact that the love of her life, Finn Hudson, was breaking up with her for his ex, one Quinn Fabray. She understood that. After all, Quinn was the prettiest girl she'd ever seen. Not to mention, she was popular. Even after cheating on two of her boyfriends, getting pregnant and getting mono, she still managed to be one the most popular girls in school. But, she was gorgeous so Rachel kind of expected that. What really got to her was Finn pointing out how bad of a girlfriend Rachel was and how much it was affecting his popularity. This got to her because she knew it was true. Rachel knew she wasn't good enough for Finn. In her mind, she wasn't good enough for anyone. Hence her unpopularity.

She was sitting in her bathroom, looking down at the package of razor blades that was laying on the floor. She'd promised herself years ago that she would never stoop that low again. Not after it landed her in the hospital in middle school. She wished in that instant that her dads were home, but the two Mr. Berrys were almost never home. Usually they were away on some type of business conference, leaving Rachel to take care of herself. The next three weeks however, they were away in Hawaii, taking "a much needed vacation." A vacation that didn't involve Rachel, none of them ever did. She felt so pathetic. Not only was she a pariah at school. Her own friends couldn't stand her. Her boyfriend broke up with her. Her own fathers couldn't even be around her for more than a weekend.

She stood up, with the package of razor blades tight in her hand, looking in the mirror. She was listing in her head all of her terrible features: her nose, her stomach, her boobs. In her mind, nothing about herself was attractive. All of the cruel names the kids at school called her just played on repeat in her head: RuPaul, Manhands, Tranny, Bait girl on to catch a predator. I'm the ugliest girl ever. I have a terrible personality. Why would anyone want me? That's just it. They don't.

With that thought, her mind was made up. She slowly opened the package held tightly in her palm, pulling one blade out and holding it to her arm. Without a second thought, she took a deep breath and pushed the blade hard against her wrist, breaking the flesh and making a deep line across her arm. As soon as she saw the blood escape her arm, she exhaled in relief. She soon took the blade back her her wrist, making another deep cut. She felt as though a major weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. In that moment, she was the happiest she'd been in a while. Sure Finn had made her happy, but it was always wrong. She knew he didn't really want her. The only time she'd ever really been okay was all those years ago when she was cutting. She was just going to have to make sure she was much more careful about getting caught. There was no way in hell that she, Rachel Barbra Berry, was going to get locked up like a crazy person again. No one ever really understood, but it helps her. Who else was going to be there for Rachel besides Rachel? With that thought, she took a piece of toilet paper and held it tightly on her arm, before walking back to her bedroom and laying down comfortably in her bed.

For the first time in a while, Rachel got a full nights sleep.

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><p>There he was, Artie Abrams, spending his Saturday night in Santana Lopez's basement. The girl who stole his fucking girlfriend right out from under him. He really did love Brittany. His feelings for her more than surpassed what he'd felt for Tina during their brief relationship. He thought that him and Brittany were perfect together, but apparently Santana could give her things that he couldn't. That kinda made sense to him though, girls like Brittany never end up with guys like him. He's in a wheelchair, he couldn't believe she'd seen past that to date him in the first place. But, by some miracle, she did and he'd fallen in love with her, much more than he'd thought possible.<p>

Brittany seemed to have forgotten all about him. Yeah, it had been several months since they'd broken up, but that doesn't mean he likes to see her and Santana making out from across the room. That just made him want to throw up. He of course was already regretting his presence at this party.

It was a typical glee club party, everyone was coupled up, spread out across the room. Well everyone except for Artie that is. Thank god for hard liquor, because without it, the party would be fucking unbearable. He knew that Rachel hadn't been invited, but he assumed that whatever she was doing had to be better than that stupid party. Even if she was just laying in bed in her pajamas watching Funny Girl, spouting off every one of Barbra's lines without hesitation. He could definitely see Rachel spending her evening like that.

As he began thinking about it, he realized how cute he thought it was that Rachel was so obsessed with Funny Girl. Also, her obsession with Barbra, as much as he claimed it annoyed him, was kind of adorable. If he was being completely honest with himself, he thought everything Rachel did was adorable, her smile, her outfits, even her crazy obsession with being better than everyone else.

Wait a second! Where was this all coming from? Why was Rachel Berry the thing going through his mind in that moment, a moment when the girl he loves is sitting across the room making out with another girl. She was definitely hot and now that his mind was going, he couldn't deny that he'd thought of her like that before, many times. Especially that one time the year before when Rachel shocked everybody by coming to school dressed as Britney Spears. Damn she looked good that day, not that she doesn't always. He'd never really understood why everyone was so mean to Rachel. Sure, she had a habit of being a bit overbearing, but that wasn't because she was a bad person, just the opposite. He honestly felt like it was just because she was desperate to be perfect, because she simply wanted people to like her. Besides no one else apart from Rachel would understand Artie's love for argyle. Did that mean that he, Artie Abrams liked one Rachel Berry, as more than a friend? He realized in that moment that that was exactly what it meant. But, he figured it didn't matter anyway. Why would someone as amazing as Rachel be interested in him, a loser who's girlfriend cheated on him with a girl.

All of a sudden, his thoughts were interrupted when he heard a part of Finn's conversation with Quinn. "No Finn. I don't want to be with you. I'm with Puck now, you know that." Quinn said quietly, clearly trying not to let Puck notice their little discussion. "Puck and I are really good together. I'm not going to mess that up. You and I never work out Finn. You said so yourself last year at Jean's funeral. Turns out you were right. We don't belong together." She added sweetly. That's when Finn finally spoke up. "No I was wrong before. You were right. Rachel looks like a fucking man. Someone as ugly as her should at least put out, to make up for the way they look, especially considering her horrible personality. She was a horrible girlfriend, who only thought about herself, not about my needs as her boyfriend. I'm so happy to have gotten rid of her. I just want you Quinn please." He begged.

Artie couldn't listen to anymore. There was no way he was just going to sit by and let Finn talk about Rachel in such a way. "What did you just say Finn? Did you just call Rachel ugly? First of all, Rachel is beautiful! Second, she is a wonderful person. And Lastly, she deserves so much better than you." Artie yelled, bringing every eye in the room to look at him and Finn, who was now standing up, towering over Artie.

"Oh come on Artie. Rachel's a bitch. That's obviously why she wasn't invited here tonight. No one likes her, we all just pretend to." Finn yelled back, leaning in a little too closely for Artie's comfort, making him roll his chair back away from Finn.

Just as Artie was about to speak once again, another voice piped up. "Don't talk about my hot little jew like that Hudson. I'm not afraid to kick your ass and you know that. You may be my 'best friend', but I would choose Rachel over you in a heartbeat." Puck said, getting close to Finn's face, even though Finn was still towering over him.

The next person who spoke surprised everyone. "Sure Berry can be annoying. We all hate it when she takes all the solos and she might be a little bit too full of herself, but other than that I really don't have a problem with her. The only reason I didn't invite her to this party is because she doesn't drink anymore, so she wouldn't have had any fun." Santana said, defending the girl who wasn't there to defend herself. Then with a sudden forced hostility added to her voice, she said, "And if you gotz a problem with that Finnocence, you can get the fuck out of my house, aforez I go all Lima Heights and get the razor blades out of my hair." With that, she slapped him fiercely across the face, leaving a red hand print blazing on his right cheek.

With that the party came to an end and everyone went their separate ways. Needless to say, no one had any plans of talking to Finn for a while. They did however plan to be a little kinder to Rachel. After how Finn treated her, she would probably need it.

There would be no way that any of them could have guessed to just what extent Rachel needed them. There was no way they could have known that at that very moment, while they all got into their cars to go home, Rachel was in her bathroom crying her eyes out, falling back into a habit she'd tried so hard to get out of many years ago. A habit none of them knew she'd ever had. A habit that almost killed her when she was only 12 years old. There was no way that they could have predicted that the next time they would see Rachel Berry on Monday, she would be a completely different person.

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><p>AN 2 Please keep the reviews coming guys! I love getting y'alls feedback. 3 XOXO Rachel


	2. Slushies and Secrets

**A/N Thank you guys for all of the reviews and alerts! It means so much that you guys like the story. I will let you in on a little secret, since you are all so amazing. The idea (not the romantic part) of this story came from situations that occured in my own life. I felt it was an important thing to write about. **

**I'm not too sure about this chapter. It might not be too good, so please let me know what you guys think of it. Also, I really wanted to make a Pezberry friendship! **

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><p>The halls of William McKinley High School were full. Teachers and students were making their ways from class to class. It would have been clear to any outsider that not one of them wanted to be there. Of course, no one is excited to wake up bright and early on Monday morning, ready and willing to learn.<p>

Rachel Berry was making her way to her third period class, stopping at her locker to change out her books quickly. Her weekend had been horrible, to say the least. Well, that is until she started letting her frustrations out. To say that it had been building up inside of her for a long time, would be an understatement. It was almost like a plague, torturing her from the inside out. Nothing was ever going to be good enough, especially not her. She spent the majority of her Sunday in bed, she made several new cuts on her arm, then a couple on her upper left thigh, throughout the day. She didn't even eat all weekend, but she didn't feel hungry. She just felt empty.

Her Monday morning wasn't off to the best start. All day she noticed people staring at her. She knew they were talking about her, even more than usual. She saw Finn, it wasn't much of a surprise that his eyes were nearly falling out of his skull while looking at Quinn. That caused Rachel to feel even worse. He'd never looked at her that way, but why would he? Her thoughts from Saturday night kept replaying in her head. Thoughts of feeling ugly and fat and all around unworthy.

Rachel's thoughts were interrupted when cold pink ice chunks smacked hard into her face. She was face to face with Izimio Adams. He had taken over the slushie-ing lately, since Karofsky suddenly stopped. Looking around, Rachel noticed that the hallways were packed, all eyes on her. She recognized a few faces from glee club, but didn't say a word. Nope, she wasn't going to talk to anyone. That would just add fuel to the fire. Instead, she just started running, heading straight for the girls bathroom. A stop she had planned on making soon anyway, Izimio just sped up the process.

As soon as Rachel stormed off, the glee club, apart from Finn, were raging. They felt so bad for Rachel. Sure, they had all been slushied on more than one occasion, but Rachel was always the main target. On top of that, she had clearly been going through a hard time. Any idiot could tell something was wrong with her. In place of her normal attire Rachel went for sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. She wore the hood up, they could barely see her hair, but from what they could gather, it was pulled back in a loose, messy ponytail. No one had ever seen Rachel put this little into her appearance. She was a diva after all, so her wardrobe had always been extremely important to her. Looking at all of these facts, they couldn't just sit back and let Izimio slushie her, not today. Artie felt the most inclined to speak up. He didn't know why exactly, but lately he had been almost drawn to her.

However, it wasn't Artie who spoke up. He had every intention of doing so, but he was beat to the punch, by none other than Santana Lopez.

"What the fuck, Adams?" the Latina shouted, feeling anger building up inside of her. She couldn't believe that she was going to defend Berry for the second time in three days. She sure as hell wasn't going soft! No, of course not. She was just doing the right thing. "If you want to make it home with your inadequate dick still attached to the rest of your body, you will leave Rachel alone. Don't make me show you how we do it in Lima heights!" she yelled, watching him back up. "Yeah you best be scared!" she finished, as Izimio walked the opposite way down the hall.

Artie was already rolling his wheelchair in the direction of the girl's restroom, even though he knew he'd have to wait until Rachel came out. He stopped abruptly, feeling a hand tap his shoulder. He looked up to see a very pissed off Santana Lopez.

"You're going to find Rachel aren't you?" she asked him, the only response he gave was a slight nod. He still had trouble being around her after the whole Brittany debacle. "Let me come with you." she said, then noticing his hesitation, she added, "Listen, about Britt, I'm sorry about how it all went down. I admit that I manipulated her. You didn't deserve that. I am honestly sorry. Please let me go with you. I need to make some things right with Rachel. I've treated her like shit. It's not okay, but I want to try to be friends. I feel like she has been through enough as it is. Besides, how are you gonna get to her inside of the restroom?" she asked, smiling when his expression softened.

"Sure come with me. Thanks for apologizing. It's really all I wanted all along." he said, smiling at his now former nemesis.

They both began making their way to the restroom, avoiding the tardy bell altogether, expecting to find Rachel cleaning off what looked like strawberry flavored slushie, but people never get exactly what they expect.

Meanwhile, after Rachel walked in the restroom, she ran to the far side of the room, thankful for the fact that the rest of the students were all sitting in classrooms, giving her the restroom to herself. She didn't even bother cleaning off the slushie, that could wait. The important thing to do is get rid of all of her humiliation, self hatred and doubt. There was only one way to do that. She couldn't have been happier that she had come to school prepared. She knew she wouldn't be able to make it through the day alone. She grabbed the razor blade that she had safely tucked away in the side pocket of her purse. After raising up her sleeve, which reveal about twelve fresh cuts, she immediately took the blade to her upper arm, where there was more room. The sensation it gave her was similar to the sensation she got on Saturday. It was a feeling of bliss, a feeling of relief and most importantly, she felt empty on the inside.

Rachel was so wrapped up in the moment that she didn't hear the door open, if she hadn't heard the loud gasp from that direction, she wouldn't have had any idea that she wasn't alone.

She looked up to see a very scared and shocked Santana Lopez standing in the doorway. They both stood absolutely still for a moment, both too scared to break the silence. Santana couldn't believe what she had just seen. Rachel Berry, glee's resident diva, mutilating herself. Rachel was the last person she would have ever expected to see doing that. Sure, she had had problems lately, but Santana had never imagined that her problems would have run that deep.

Finally, after gathering the strength to speak, she ran across the room to the little brunette's side. "Rachel honey, why would you do this?" she asked, taking Rachel's arm in her hands gently, looking at the scars. She gasped loudly once she had gotten a closer look. "Rach. Please let me help you." Rachel didn't say anything, she just jerked her hand away and covered the cuts with her sleeve. They both looked up at the sound of a familiar guy's voice.

"Rachel, Santana is right. Please let us help you. Please." Artie pleaded, wheeling himself further in and letting the door close behind him.

"Help? Why would you guys help me? You hate me! Everyone does. You're all constantly reminding me of that fact. Even my dads and Mr. Schue cant stand me. So tell me why would you want to help me?" Rachel snapped, shocking the other two and even herself.

Santana let in a breath, holding back tears that were forming in her eyes. She hated that she had had even a part of causing the little diva to feel like this.

Artie shook his head, rolling his chair even closer to the girls. "Rachel. Please listen to me. I don't hate you. None of us do. I really care about you." Artie said, while Santana wipes the tears from Rachel's face.

"Rachel, I am so sorry for everything I have done. I know that this is partly my fault. Please let us help." Santana wasn't even bothering to hold back the tears anymore, neither was Artie for that matter. They wanted to help the girl, but neither of them knew what to do. They both knew she couldn't just stop, not that she had agreed to let them help her yet, but they had to do something, anything.

Rachel fought the urge to pick the fallen blade up off of the floor, knowing it would only make her situation worse. It's not like she could just pick it up and make another cut right in front of the two other people, if anything that would just make them think she was crazy, if they didn't already. The worst part of this was that she actually believed them. She believed that they didn't hate her, she could see the caring in their eyes. She wished she could just stop, be happy, more for them than herself, but she couldn't. Cutting was all she had, all she could count on, besides it really isn't something you can just stop.

Something about the look in their eyes though, even knowing she would probably fail, made her want to at least try. She let her eyes fall straight to Artie, she didn't know why, but she just felt like he was worth trying to stop. She was going to try for him.

"Okay. I will try, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop." she said, her eyes never leaving his. "Do you think you guys can just take me home? I can't be here anymore"

They both nod and soon they all are in Santana's car on the way to the Berry house. Both Santana and Artie knew how hard this was going to be. They just hoped they would be able to help her somehow.

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><p><strong>AN 2 So there's chapter 2 guys. Sorry if it was horrible. What are your thoughts on the Pezberry friendship? **

**Rachel isn't out of the woods yet. It isn't easy to just stop cutting. Don't worry guys, sexy times are coming! ;) It just may take a while. A/N3: if anyone does role-play on tumblr and is interested in playing the Artie in artchel, please lemme know! **

**R/R please! XOXO, Rachel!**


	3. All you need is a friend

**A/N Sorry it took so long to update. I don't have a computer right now, so I can only update when I can use one. **

**A/N2 I'm sorry that this chapter is shorter than I meant for it to be. I'll try to write the next one longer.**

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><p>As soon as they got there, Santana looked around, hoping to remove all the things that Rachel could use to hurt herself. She was pretty certain that she had gotten it all. When she walked back into Rachel's room, she smiled as she saw Artie lying beside Rachel, his arms wrapped around her. She actually looked at peace.<p>

Santana felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket. She pulled it out to see a text from Brittany.

_San, where r u? Why aren't you in glee club?_

She let out a loud sigh. She had to figure out what exactly to say. She couldn't tell her the truth, at least not all of it. It wasn't her place to tell anyone what was going on with Rachel. Besides, all that would do is make the blonde panic. Taking a deep breath, she typed a reply to her girlfriend.

_Artie and I are at Berry's house. We are gonna stay here tonight._

That seemed like enough information. She was being honest, but not giving away anyone's secrets. She knew Britt wouldn't say anything to anyone, but if Rachel didn't tell Brittany, she definitely wasn't going to.

When her phone vibrated again, she laid down on Rachel's other side, before reading her next message.

_Is she okay? Should I come over?_

She smiled at how much Brittany cared about other people. She always wanted to help, that's one of the biggest reasons why Santana fell in love with her.

_No, B. We'll be fine. She just needs some friends right now._

She reached out and grabbed Rachel's hand, holding it protectively. It might have been a small gesture, but she knew it got her message across: she was Rachel's friend and she was going to do whatever she could to help her. The two might not have ever been close, but she really did care about the other girl. Even if she'd never showed it.

Her phone vibrated once again, pulling her out of her thoughts.

_Okay. Tell Rachel that if she needs anything I'm here. Mr. Schue wants me to tell you the glee assignment_.

Santana made a mental note to pass Brittany's message along later. Rachel was doing fine in the silence, she wasn't going to disturb her. She rolled her eyes at the last part of the text. Of course all Mr. Schue was worried about was his stupid glee assignment.

_I'll tell her B. :). Ok, what is it?_

_It's to pick a song that sums up something you need to say to someone_

Brittany's reply was quick. Santana could almost picture how annoyed Mr. Schue would be, watching Brittany texting while he went on about stuff no one cared about. She liked the man and all, but he definitely had a tendency of pissing her off.

_Thanks B! I'll talk to you later._

She typed out, almost immediately an idea popped into her head, but she would need Artie's help. She knew that he would agree. It was obvious that he liked Rachel, at least to Santana, but she picked up on things more than most people did. Looking over at the two, still laying closely in each other's arms, she wondered if Rachel felt the same way. It was just her intuition, but she thought so.

Next thing she knew, Rachel was fast asleep in between her and Artie. That was her chance to run her idea by him. _It's going to be a little bit of a challenge getting wheels out of here, without waking up Rachel. _She thought, looking over at him, trying to silently get his attention. Once his eyes were on her, she mouthed "I need to talk to you." Quietly slipping out of the bed, she walked around to Artie, picking him up and sitting him down in his wheelchair. He was a little bit heavy, but nothing more than she was used to.

Ten minutes later, she and Artie were in the living room. She was sitting on the couch and he was in front of her, in his wheelchair. "I have an idea to run by you." She said, almost positive he would agree to it. "I want us to sing a song together in glee club, to help Rachel. No one needs to know who it's about, but I think it will make her understand that we are here for her." She explained. It was weird to her, planning out ways to help Berry. Three days ago, she never would have thought she would end up in this situation. Least of all, she didn't think she would do anything with Legs helping her.

It was clear by the expression on his face that he was considering it. "I like the idea, but what song will we sing?" He asked, hoping to help Rachel in any way they could. As much as he liked her, he couldn't overstep their friendship, at least for the time being. He knew Rachel was in a fragile state and it wouldn't be fair to try anything more. Besides, there would be no way that someone as beautiful and talented as her would want him as anything more than a friend. No way.

"I have the perfect song, but we will need to change some things to make it match our voices."It wasn't until Santana spoke again, that he realized he had zoned out thinking of Rachel. Something he had been doing a lot of lately.

Before either of them could say another word, they heard loud crying coming from Rachel's room. They both made their way in there as fast as they could. Artie was thankful that it was only a one story house.

When they got inside Rachel's room, they saw her in tears, tearing the room apart. It was pretty clear that she thought they had left her. Artie sent Santana a knowing look, happy that she had already removed all of the razor blades. "Rachel. Come here." He said in a gentle voice.

She was obviously surprised when she saw him, having thought they'd both left her. He wheeled himself closer to her, until he was right I'm front of her. He patted on his lap, motioning for her to sit down. She slowly set down, laying her head down on his shoulder. They both found comfort in their closeness.

After a few minutes of Artie gently rubbing her back and kissing her forehead, Rachel calmed down, but neither one made a point to break the contact. It was just so peaceful.

Shortly after, Santana brought in a bowl of soup, urging Rachel to eat something. The girl was already too skinny. There was no need for her to become unhealthy. Rachel reluctantly ate, after being persuaded by both Artie and Santana. After she finished eating the soup, the other two insisted that the little brunette lay back down, hoping they would have time to work on Santana's idea, which they did.

Later that night, they both texted their parents, letting them know they wouldn't be home. Santana told her mom that she would be spending the night with Rachel, leaving out the unnecessary details. Artie said that he would be spending the night at Puck's house, then texted Puck to cover for him, just in case his mom decided to check in with him.

They got their performance for the next day all worked out, without Rachel knowing a thing. They had to adjust the song a lot. It was a Christian rock song, therefore it wasn't really suitable for their voices as it was. After they adjusted the key a bit, it turned out much better than they had expected.

The night came and went. Rachel slept much better than expected. She spent the night wrapped in Artie's arms, thankful for his tight embrace. She could honestly tell that both Santana and Artie cared about her and they would help her through this. That thought made her calm down so much. Wrapped in his arms, she didn't once consider cutting herself. Her mind was elsewhere, wondering why he was single, how any girl could let him go, what his lips tasted like... No she shouldn't think like that, he was there as her friend, nothing more.

Little did she know, Artie's thoughts were not so different from her own. He two was wondering how she could be single, what her lips would taste like, what it would be like to hold her close, under different circumstances.

Santana fell asleep on Rachel's other side, sending a quick text to Brittany before she dozed off. She always texted the blonde before she went to sleep.

_Night, B. I love you._

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><p><strong>AN3 As always, R&R please. Let me know if you love it, hate it. Or anything else you'd like to happen. I'm always open to incorporating your ideas into the story.**

**xoxo-Rachel**_  
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